my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Screwed.edu
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
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