So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Randomize
