do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
