is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
