Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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