My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
