I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
