Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
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