this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
