i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
