remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
