Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize