hell yes lets make some ravioli
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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