Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
people are starting to question the shark bite story
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
