do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Randomize
