Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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