So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
