I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize
