Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
