me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Randomize
