4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
