i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
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