i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
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