He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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