i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize