Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
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