I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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