I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
