I can tuck mytits in my pants
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
We are two peas in an std pod
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
