well I can't set my house on fire every night
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
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