Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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