I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
