Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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