we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Randomize
