forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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