Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I need to align my fucking chakras
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
