I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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