I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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