According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She's just so happy...and so naked.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
