she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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