Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
