do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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