I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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