I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
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