there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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