I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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