happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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