it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
