Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
