Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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