I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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