Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
