i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
and i looked up. we had an audience...
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
