wat bout pragnant strippers??
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Randomize