I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Small penises have feelings too.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
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