I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
