I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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