Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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