sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
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