I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
