I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
