HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
