How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
being pregnant is like rehab
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
