the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
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