I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
