Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
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