Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
