Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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