I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Randomize
