The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize