so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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