she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
This baby is an asshole
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
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